Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip gym today.
I couldn't find a parking spot today at my work, so I went home.
Looked like they had enough people.
I don't always talk on the phone, but when I do I walk everywhere in my house.
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
Relationships these days start by pressing 'Like' on her or his photo.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says after 400 feet:
'Stop and let me out!'.
If you don't do wild things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old.
My wife always buys sexy holiday lingerie, but this year I'm going to refuse to wear it.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house?
Or is it just me?
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
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