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I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me taking a long nap.
A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3AM, you're home alone and you don't have a baby.
Any dude that tells you is not like other dudes is the leader of the other dudes.
If someone hates you for no reason. Give that motherfucker a reason.
Cop: please step out of the car. Me: I'm too drunk, you get in.
Don't worry about what other people think of you. Most people are morons.
Go ask Google why Cornflakes were invented. You're welcome.
If you don't pick a day to relax, your body will pick it for you.
Ambitchous: the desire to become a better bitch.
Tip for men on Valentine's day: tell your woman you already got something and make here guess. She automatically list things she wants. You're welcome.
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