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My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for eachother. She's my buttercup and I'm her useless sack of shit.
People who respond thnx instead of thanks, what do you do with all the time you save?
Parenting is a lot like a bar scene: everyone's yelling, everything's sticky, it's the same music over and over again and occasionally someone throws up.
My talent: not sleeping at night.
The past is in your head. The future is in your hands.
I just bought my co-worker a get better soon card. They're not sick. I just think they could do better.
I'm not like other girls. That's where you made your first mistake.
Be the person you want to have in your life.
Done with dating sites. I'm now focusing on pizza delivery guys, because at least I know they have a job, a car and pizza.
If you stay positive in a negative situation, you win.
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